I love event planning.
Adore it actually – thinking about the amazing things that go into an experience; everything from the arrival to the food and entertainment, all the way to the end of the event – I am excited just thinking about it!
Until you bring up wedding planning, that is, and my stomach drops out.
We got married in 2016, and we were ecstatic! Adventures! Amazing food! Flowers! Music! Sparklers! It seemed like every single week we added another thing to the evening. And everything was necessary!
Until one night when we were watching a YouTube video on how to make a boutonniere. I remember being so overwhelmed with using wire on delicate flowers and having them consistently flop over to the side. Both of us were just so exhausted and stressed, we started laughing. What exactly were we trying to do? This was supposed to be a celebration of us and our love and union – NOT a test of our floral wire skills.
If you find yourself stressing about things like floral wire, keep reading on how to focus on the reason for the day – you and your partner.
You’re not feeling great. What emotion are you experiencing? If you struggle with emotions and naming the emotion you’re experiencing, pull out your phone or computer and look up the “feeling wheel.” This chart will help you name the emotion you’re experiencing which will help you better deal with it.
Once you have the awareness of that feeling, think about WHAT is making you feel that way. It’s not your mother-in-law; it might be the fact that she keeps telling you to invite her dentist. When you know why you’re feeling how you feel, you can do something with that. If you’re just a mess of emotions, you can’t do much more than not explode.
Step Back, HALT and Breathe
Getting stressed about the tiny things? Stop what you’re doing; don’t push through, don’t move to another task and don’t ignore it. Take a full stop, walk away and focus on taking some deep breaths. Check-in; are you experiencing any of the emotions in HALT? HALT is an acronym that stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired. When one or more of these areas are out of balance, it is more likely we will struggle with health and overall well-being as a result. Tend to that emotional state and revisit your task tomorrow.
Partner Check In
Remember the reason you’re doing the most important thing ever that’s stressing you out?
Yes, that person! Check-in with them; if you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed, they might be feeling a similar negative emotion. Set up some stress-free time to hang out, play a game, go for a walk – anything that brings you back to what matters.
Brick or Feather
One of the major things that I take away from teaching in my everyday life is all about bricks and feathers.
Look at the problem you’re dealing with or the thing that is currently stressing you out. Now think; is it heavy like a brick or light like a feather? If it’s light like the feather, it’s a feather problem. Do you want to be weighed down by a feather?
I didn’t think so.
This idea puts issues in perspective. If everything feels like a brick problem, check in on your emotions and make sure you’re not experiencing HALT.
As a happily ever after moment…we did NOT make perfect flowers or boutonnieres. We didn’t do half of the wild stuff we planned for the “best event we could think of” – and we are blissfully in love, more today than we were on our wedding day. The magic is in the moment, not in the stress.